Holiday Renewal

The holidays give a lot of people a burst of energy and excitement. So many people to see, things to do, shopping to accomplish, decorating to be done, special events to attend. The list of holiday activities seems endless. For me, it depends on the year. Weird, I know. I'm one of those unfortunate people with Major Chronic Depression. Along with the physical pain that I deal with daily, depression is like a stalking cat. It waits until I forget about it and then, POUNCE! This year, apparently the cat doesn't want me to forget about it. It's been whopping me upside the head on a fairly regular basis without letting me recover. Oh well. Just part and parcel of being me.

Normally, I love the holidays. My favorite thing to do and never miss a single year, is a drive through my town the weekend before Christmas Day with my kids hogtied into the backseat. (What's the fun if you can't torture your children while you have them?) Wait until about 8 or 9 o'clock and just start driving through neighborhood after neighborhood oohing and aahing at all the lights and decorations. This usually lasts about an hour or so. Then, we go to Locomotive Park. It's decorated to the hilt. There's a train, a fireplace, benches, a vendor with cocoa, trees lit up in every color imaginable, a musical floor, and MUSIC!! Christmas carols blasting from speakers set up high in the trees; an invisible choir of angels passing out Christmas cheer. Not your average choral carols either. The old standards are interspersed with the current Christmas hits from top artists.

This is the only time, I really let myself be the same age as my kids. Well, with a driver's license and bank account. That drive through town and walking through the park with my kids racing around, (hogtie forgotten) being nuts, listening to the holiday cheer pouring over me... Jesus comes to visit me.

Other than when I'm singing, the only time I feel real peace and joy is during this holiday pilgrimage. Everything is lifted away from me. All the trials of the year are released. All the worries that I can't set aside are washed away.

This is my time to reconnect with the joy of being human and all that means. The child with bright pink cheeks and glittering eyes, running and laughing as he climbs fearlessly through this wonderland of light and music gives my heart an incredible feeling of rightness. During this journey, I recharge my weary batteries, laugh and sing, and join in spirit with that laughing, bright-eyed child.

The feelings I get during this yearly trek sustain me. I just have to pull the memory out of storage more often than I do.