I haven't done much with my reports this past week. I think part of that is there have been so many things on my mind that are totally unrelated to the course. I think about the reports I need to be doing. For various reasons I just can't make myself stop thinking.
Today, I went to the memorial service for a very good friend of mine. She was one of those people that gathers everyone around her into "family." Not having her there anymore is going to be hard. Not just because she passed away too young and left a loving husband and 3 children behind, but also because she was so special. The church was crowded with friends and family. All with the same heartache squeezing in their chest like mine. That was one of the things that I've been thinking about.
Another thing that keeps beating on my brain like a hammer is my mother and her if/maybe/maybe not attitude about a surgery she really needs. I don't want to lose her.
I also had the evaluation from Social Security the other day. After taking an hour to ask me all sorts of questions that have been repeated over and over, I still have no idea how the evaluation went. Other than that it irritated me enormously. I was never asked about the things that were important to me. I was asked questions like "subtract 7 from 100 and keep going to 0" and "name 5 current events" and "name 5 celebrities." What the hell do those things have to do with depression? What do they have to do with why I have worked while on Disability? What does it say that I can't repeat several numbers in reverse order? What does it mean that I really don't care about any of those questions and never could do math of any kind in my head?
My kids are both sick and have been for several days. I'm very worried that they will pass these illnesses to me, or even worse, mom. I feel bad for them and want them to get better, but I feel guilty because I'm more concerned over passing it on to their grandmother. She gets sick and it could become something very serious very quickly.
There have been other things that have been concerning me. Things that I can't stop thinking about, but mostly everything just runs around and around in my head with no beginning, no middle, and no end. There are solutions to problems. I just can't see them. There are things that don't deserve the synapse firing energy. I just can't seem to make them have less weight and energy consumption.
There are a few things that I can see as positive this week though. I made a new Career Step friend. I enjoy her online company. We have a lot in common and there's potential there to have a great long-term friendship. I think making new friends is always worth it.
I also remembered that I had a weight control program that I hadn't used. I broke it open and started eating from the menu plan inside. Hopefully, this will help me with the issues of weight and energy that I have right now. It's the 6 Week Total Body Makeover. You know, the one where you blueprint your body type, figure out your goals, and then eat from specific menus for your body type. I bought it years ago, but didn't put it to real use. Between that and the swimming that I will start this next week, I think I can start getting this runaway weight gain to do a 180. I'll let you all know how it goes.
I should take some time this afternoon and work on reports. I'm just so tired and drained from the memorial service. I'll probably just take the afternoon and do some crocheting and tv watching and start over tomorrow. Just so tired.
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